Wolf-Girl

There you were

Like the light that weathered out the storm

Like the statue chiseled from the rockface

That I knelt to, praying for forgiveness.

But forgiveness never was your scene:

I always knew

That you weren’t the kind to go picking through the rubble.

You were the girl on the motorbike

With the petrol can empty in your hand,

Revving up for the perfect getaway

And smiling as you threw the match.

I was stained glass

Forever in pieces,

Held together by the lines

That traced stories in my fractures

And held out hope of something beautiful

If only I could let the light in.

But you shone so cold

Like a winter morning

That my colours froze over; all my lines meant nothing.

I scrabbled for words

Even as the glass shattered,

And I picked through the pieces,

Cutting myself up

To find a piece that still looked pretty,

To find something of myself

Worth making a gift of, something that would take

In the ice of your eyes that showed no pity,

In the chill of your heart where the wolf bones lay.

There you were

Sat beside me on the parkbench

With the wind in your hair,

Refusing to shiver

As I fought to strike a spark

From all of your silences,

To find the warming words

That would melt down your anger,

As you held yourself together,

Refusing to thaw.

The lump in my throat

Was where my love froze over:

I held my breath

To remember us swimming

In each other, drowning, the waves washing over,

But no waves would come now:

The tide had ebbed away.

You let me walk you home

Though the wolf in you was running,

And I squeezed what warmth I could

From these small mercies.

In the night when you came

To lay down beside me

You shivered at last,

And it was like a confession.

I struggled to warm you

With all that I had,

Every sliver of sunlight,

But you curled yourself up tight

And shrugged me away.

There you were

Turned out sharp the next morning,

Spinning ballerina round the subway poles

While I held on tight and wished for your grace

To keep me from falling,

To keep me from spinning out

Into the dark again,

Stretched out on the tracks,

Waiting for your light to come run me down

And run away laughing

With the wolf in your shadow.

I prayed for a flicker,

But there was only the match

That you struck on my soul

As our lips met at last.

You didn’t look back

As you threw it from the bus window

And it caught in my rubble;

You never look back.