It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey

Romantic, liberating and totally addictive... a novel that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.


It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
With no little trepidation I picked it up today.
It says it's 'liberating', it promises romance;
Before I scoff I figured I should give it half a chance.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
Fair Ana's flawless virtuousness just leads me to dismay.
Sweet 21 and never kissed?  You'd think she's heaven-sent!
I doubt that most, beyond 13, were half so innocent.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
Watching this unworldly nymph fall under Christian's sway,
All biting lips and blushing, swooning in his embrace.
Even Tess, Jane Eyre or Kathy would have led a better chase.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
The bit where, oh, at last, at last, they take it all the way.
It's pornotopic, Ana's lost, her resisting heart just gives

(Even if the writer does run short of adjectives)

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
Wait...
This contract thing's romantic?  Well, I don't know what to say.
It's... different... to say the least; the lists are quite exhausting;
But I don't remember whips or chains or butt plugs in Jane Austen.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
It's liberating, is it, this compulsion to obey?
Should we view our normal bedroom tricks with casual disdain
And recommend our partners get their own red rooms of pain?

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
Addictive?  Like a car crash on a busy motorway:
You can't help looking, even when it starts to gross you out,
Because you've got to know what all the fuss is all about.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
Will it turn young girls to S&M?  Will it lead them all astray?
Well, Britney was keen at 17, Rihanna's in for sure,
And if girl power's gone all whips and chains, I guess feminism's a bore.

It's hard to be a feminist reading Fifty Shades of Grey:
I came to the conclusion, at the end of a long day,
That its saving grace lies in the fact that it just isn't very good;
So ignore Rihanna, burn that tie, and support the sisterhood!